I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize