so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize