walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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