I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
