Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
