I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
