drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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