omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
