I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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