It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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