we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Randomize
