Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
