I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
