i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
soo... how was my night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
