I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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