Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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