problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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