So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
