Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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