great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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