Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
