ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize