Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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