sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
