And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize