so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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