On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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