Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
