If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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