Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
