The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
