4 words: hood of his car
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
