I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
