i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
