Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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