I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
