If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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