we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
