I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
