I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
