Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
