Your face is a jimmy john
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
