Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize