I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
