so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
