who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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