My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize