We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
