Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
