oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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