2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
