Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
