when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
