My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
