Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
