WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
