I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
