One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
