i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
