Whod you bang
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
