It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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