Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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