You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
