i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
