Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize