Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
