beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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