Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
